Sitting and scratching

I told myself I would write something today, and so I am…

 

I have been scratching my head for a little bit trying to think of a topic, allowing space inside myself for something to arise and take control of my fingers… Nothing …. du du dumm

 

Lets count inventory:

 

Physical sensations: my ribs feel a little tight (maybe I have some tears stuck in-between), a bit of tension in the chest, more like a dense layer of tension and tightness, some brooding movements in my throat, and relaxation in the face.

 

I’ve been doing a lot of work in the form of different exercises to break apart the tensions in my chest and throat.

In the process of doing that, “garbage” is driven out…

 

The basic principle/idea to the work I’ve been doing is *all of your perceived issues exist in your body in the form of tension/s* and the working idea is that if you address that tension, and slowly (or sometimes quickly) break it apart you will be resolving your *perceived issue/s and taking back the energy stream that was keeping that tension in place.

In my life it has resulted as such:

 

I do some exercises, gently and slowly*, and the next few days the issues that were dormant in my body and using up energy to remain dormant, arise, and I am forced to address them and take back my power.

An example: Growing up I was the youngest person in my household (have an older brother), and was the youngest and smallest person in my community who was in the “streets” for the longest time. (other kids stayed at home)

 

So… growing up I’ve accumulated a lot of tension in my chest and throat; having to constantly push myself harder to prove myself to the older kids, and also being mentally tortured when I wasn’t able to keep up mentally/emotionally/ and physically… this form of tension played itself out in a way where I would have to say yes constantly, I’m not sure why but I had a real issue with saying no… I “couldn’t” do it, I was programmed to say yes.

If someone asked me for my time, it was theirs, I had to prove myself over and over again at other people’s games, and it would be  with anyone… I suspect because of the fact that I came in last or I failed so many times when I was running around with the older and bigger kids.

Now reading this I could easily see why someone would think “isn’t that a good thing to be in that kind of space?”, to that my answer is NO!, I felt like a fraud, I felt like I didn’t have ownership of MY time, of my life, as if my life wasn’t a creation of my inner desires, I wasn’t doing the things I was drawn to.

Fast forward to when I started this work, worked a bit on the face, the chest, the belly and lower body. Broke apart some tensions and things began to change.

 

Started saying no to little things then eventually to bigger things… the friends that I had at the time disappeared, my relationships with my family underwent radical changes, any issues I was/am having that I kept inside force/d themselves out, I started the process of turning my life into a work of art!

 

The featured image is something I drew today; I really enjoy playing with charcoal and using it to express my current condition, the result is always jolting!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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